Be direct: compliment, invite, and ask for a date

The words

Say it out loud

かわいい ですね。デート しませんか?

How they differ

The pattern in plain English: soft invite = verb + masen ka? It's direct about what you want, but it still leaves them free to say no. Issho ni nomi ni ikimasen ka? = "want to go for a drink together?" Deeto shimasen ka? = "want to go on a date?" デート is a loanword, so it's in katakana.

Compliments, from light to strong: egao ga suteki desu ne (えがお が すてき ですね), "you have a lovely smile"; kawaii desu ne (かわいい ですね), "you're cute"; kirei desu ne (きれい ですね), "you're beautiful." Kirei is the strongest, so use it once you've talked for a while.

Getting the plan: rain o koukan shimasen ka? (LINE を こうかん しませんか?) = "shall we swap LINE?" Usually one person shows a QR code and the other scans it. Then pin down a day: doyoubi wa hima desu ka? (どようび は ひま ですか?) = "are you free Saturday?" When they say yes, answer tanoshimi desu (たのしみ です) = "I'm looking forward to it."

After a good date: mata aemasu ka? (また あえます か?) = "can I see you again?" Aitai desu (あいたい です) = "I want to see you" is warmer. Casual: aitai na.

Suki desu (すき です) carries a lot of weight. Said to a person, it's a confession of feelings, not a casual "I like you." People say it once, on purpose.

Casual forms, for friends and after you're close: nomi ni ikanai? · deeto shinai? · mata aeru? · aitai na · suki da yo.

What you'll hear back: - yorokonde (よろこんで) = "I'd love to" (yes, happily) - ii desu yo (いい ですよ) = "sure" - gomennasai, koibito ga imasu (ごめんなさい、こいびと が います) = "sorry, I have a partner" - mata kondo (また こんど) = "maybe next time." This is usually a soft no.

If you get a no, smile, say daijoubu desu (だいじょうぶ です, "that's okay"), and let it go.

Memory trick: masen ka = "maybe, no pressure." Aitai = "I tie my day to you." Suki = "a big ski jump": you only take it when you're ready.

Say it out loud, then try this: ask someone to go for a drink, then answer the way they would. You'll see this next: stories where these lines show up in a bar scene.

See it in a sentence

1. egao ga kawaii desu ne.

   えがお が かわいい ですね。

   Your smile is cute.

2. kondo, issho ni nomi ni ikimasen ka?

   こんど、いっしょ に のみ に いきませんか?

   Want to go for a drink together sometime?

3. doyoubi, deeto shimasen ka?

   どようび、デート しませんか?

   Want to go on a date Saturday?

4. tanoshikatta desu. mata aemasu ka?

   たのしかった です。また あえます か?

   I had fun. Can I see you again?

5. 〇〇-san ga suki desu.

   〇〇さん が すき です。

   I like you, 〇〇. (Put their name in; using their name is more natural than 'you'.)

Staff say this — recognize only

Understand these; do not produce them as a customer.

• kirei desu ne

  きれい ですね

  you're beautiful

• aitai desu

  あいたい です

  I want to see you

• yorokonde

  よろこんで

  I'd love to

• ii desu yo

  いい ですよ

  sure

• gomennasai, koibito ga imasu

  ごめんなさい、こいびと が います

  sorry, I have a partner

• mata kondo

  また こんど

  maybe next time (soft no)

Watch out

suki desu is a real confession in Japanese, not a casual like, so don't say it at a first meeting. kirei is stronger than kawaii or suteki. mata kondo or chotto… usually means no, so accept it gracefully. Use masu forms until they switch to casual.

Try it

1. Ask them to go for a drink together.

   issho ni nomi ni ikimasen ka? · いっしょ に のみ に いきませんか? · Want to go for a drink together?

2. Ask them on a date on Saturday.

   doyoubi, deeto shimasen ka? · どようび、デート しませんか? · Want to go on a date Saturday?

3. The date went well. Ask to see them again.

   mata aemasu ka? · また あえます か? · Can I see you again?